Piazza, New York Catcher

These days are quiet, calm, and peaceful... Soothing to the weary soul. Lately my circadian rhythm has been completely flipped on itself, so I sleep during the day and find myself up and about at night.

Because of the divorce situation and the retarded amount of money I've been giving the soon to be ex, I didn't have enough money to pay my rent with my end of the month pay, so I bought a 30 year old bottle of scotch and drank half of it in one night. It was a good night.

I'm not too worried about the rent since the only other time I've been late was because of a car accident, and mid month pay comes only three days after rent is due.

Good news came for Andrew - 70% and 70% disability rating as well as a reinstatement to sergeant. That's good. Lord knows he deserves it. His good fortune gives me hope that I'll be out of New York soon.

As I pass the time in my own quiet way, I find myself yearning for the Pacific coast. I miss the smell of salt in the air... Some of the best days of my life were spent just wasting time in the oceanside communities of Northern Oregon. If there was a heaven, it would be like the Pacific Northwest coast, or it wouldn't be worth going to...

I drive a lot these days as well. I enjoy the solitude. As it's nearing the two year anniversery of the death of two good friend, killed in fighting in Afghanistan, I find myself wanting more and more to be away from the Army. I suppose driving helps this.

My nightmares have kicked back up into full gear, unfortunately. They're back with such vivid clarity that sometimes I can't tell if I'm dreaming or not. I suppose I should start taking my psych meds again. But then again, that's just the thing - I lack the clarity of thought that having been sober for almost six months I've come to value so much.

I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I will always suffer from PTSD. However, I refuse to let it rule me. It's funny how I can speak of suffering and inner peace in the same post. But that's just me... A self contradiction.